Once upon a time
by Morgane Faye
Summary: What happens when the inhabitants of the Dark Kingdom get accidently sucked into a fairytale book? Insanity, that s what happens! The prologue starts out slow, but it ll get funnier later. At least I hope so. Rated T for safety.
1. Prologue

Once upon a time… Prologue!

WARNING: _There will be Yaoi. So much Yaoi. Not so much in this chapter but there will be more._

* * *

"It didn´t work."

"I can see that! This is entirely your fault!"

"My fault? It was your silly idea!"

"Excuse me? Maybe it did not work because you chose the wrong book!"

"That doesn´t even make sense. It doesn´t matter which book you use and this-"

"Children´s Fairytales? We wanted to get rid of our worst enemies, and-"

"We wanted to imprison them. In a book. Which one would you have chosen?"

"One of Kunzite-sama´s-"

"Kama sutra books?"

"NO!" screamed Zoisite, suddenly with bright red cheeks. "You know what I think? I think that you accidently traded your car for a Fairytale book while you were drunk last night!"

`God, how could Zoisite know? ´ thought Nephrite. ´Is that guy spying on me or something? ´ Aloud he said:"Shut up! If you keep on yelling like this, the whole Dark Kingdom will know which spell we just tried. I don´t want to know what Kunzite will do to _both of us_ if he knew."

"O, you mean the spell that you botched?" Zoisite sneered angrily. "Whatever, I am out of here." With that the copper haired man stormed out of Nephrite´s almost funitureless mansion.

Nephrite wanted to yell something definitely evil after him, but he kept to himself for the sake of his hairstyle. The last time he said something insulting to Zoisite, the young man had sneaked into his bedroom and shaved of his long, auburn hair. He had been called BALDIE for three whole weeks by everyone until he finally managed to find a spell that would make his hair grow to his old length. He had to break into Queen Beryl´s castle to get it and he almost got caught by the adamant queen herself. Sighing, the general poured himself a glass of `lemonade`, also known as hard liquor.

Meanwhile, Zoisite sneaked into Kunzite-sama´s bureau to put the spell book he had brought to Nephrite back into its old place. Just as he finished, the Ice King entered the room.

"Zoi-chan? What are you doing in here?" he asked his beloved.

"Uhm, reading?" was the startled young man's answer.

"Reading?" Kunzite raised an eyebrow. He knew too well how much his Zoisite despised reading. "Of course. And what did you really do?

Zoisite let out a squeak. ´What in hell could I say? ` Without much thinking, he started speaking:"In truth, I have been searching for you all over the place and came back to your bureau because I thought you might be here now and then I remembered that you were sent to Europe by Queen Beryl and then I started wondering whether Beryl is able to walk in that purple dress because it´s like way too tight for her and then I thought that-"

Kunzite laid a finger on his lover's lips to shut him up. Then he pulled the emerald eyed man closer to him while letting his hand make its way down Zoisite´s body. He kissed him passionately. The gesture had the effect that was desired by the first king; the younger man was wax in his hands. Only five minutes later, both of them had managed to get into the bedroom, onto the bed and out of their clothes. The only thing that could be heard from outside was Zoisite screaming the other man´s name and begging for more.

* * *

It was midnight in the Dark Kingdom. Everyone was fast asleep. Nephrite snored with the head on the table surrounded by bottles. Jadeite always slept, this is how Eternal Sleep works. Beryl lay sprawled across her bed, mumbling something along the lines of "I´ll get you, stupid remote control! Feel my wrath!" Zoisite lay cuddled up into the arms of his Kunzite-sama, dreaming of their marriage. Kunzite, on the other hand, dreamed of a pregnant Zoisite who constantly wanted either strawberries or pancakes.

The fairytale book that Nephrite had thrown out of the window shortly after he had is first glass of ´alternative lemonade´ started glowing in a bright rainbow colors. It turned and opened at the first tale…

* * *

_OMG this is my first story EVER! And I mean EVER! It also is the first text I wrote in English (the only exeption are essays for my english class...). I´ll try to update soon and I´ll try to improve what I call `writing skills`. _

_Please review! Thank you!  
Love, Morgane_


	2. SnowWeird

Chapter 1: Snow-Weird, Part One

As soon as she woke the next morning Beryl, Queen of the Dark Kingdom and its inhabitants, knew that something was terribly wrong. She opened her eyes just to see that she was not in her own room, more so: she wasn´t even in her own Kingdom! Looking out of the window, she could see green meadows and a forest. Nature didn´t exist in her kingdom, beside a few mushrooms and cursed plants that bring death to those who dare to touch them. Mad with anger, she wanted to teleport herself back home, and afterwards find out who was responsible for this. It did not work though; she tried another time and another: her magic did not work anymore! Upon that realization, a loud scream escaped her throat: it was a scream that could have woken up the dead (or bring a huge headache to someone who drank too much liquor the previous night, yet this is another story).

"Great Metalia, what is it with this noise so early in the morning!" said a voice. The displaced Queen jerked up from her personal nightmare. The voice had come up from behind a curtain. Slowly she stalked up and pulled it aside- just to look right into Jadeites face. "YOU!" She screeched. "Are you responsible for this?"

"My Queen, how should I? Until a few seconds ago I was fast asleep." He tried to step forward, but failed. Mainly because his lower half was not existing anymore: the fourth king was locked inside a mirror. The queen saw that. She didn´t really care: Jadeite had never been useful. But what could she do to get away from here? There was a slight possibility that the true delinquent was also in this world, she had to find him. Maybe the person could fix this. And if not, there´d still be a nice execution. Meanwhile, Jadeite had conjured up a hammer to break the glass and free himself. He failed.

"You can use your magic?" the queen asked.

"Apparently only inside of this mirror, I fear." Came the sober answer.

A vicious smile formed on Queen Beryl´s face as her mind developed a plan. She chanted: "Jadeite, Jadeite behind the glass, tell me, please, who caused this mess?"

Jadeite, a little shocked by the queens chanting, was even more shocked when his vision began to blur and he saw a book lying on the stone ground of the Dark Kingdom. The picture faded, reconstructed and showed another book, an older one this time: a book on black magic.

"My queen, I have no idea who did it, but I think we were locked up inside a book. Somebody used strong black magic-"

"Shut up, I know whom it was. There is only one spell that could be used, and it requires a powerful dark wizard. In the whole Dark Kingdom, there is only one man who could have managed this spell: Kunzite, this snow white haired traitor!"

* * *

_Man, that was short. I´ll try to update again tomorrow, or on Thursday. _

_Please review, I really could use some critique. Thanks!  
Love, Morgane_


	3. Waking Up

Waking Up

"_Kunzite, this snow white haired traitor!"_

Said "traitor" was currently standing outside the Queen's bedroom, wondering what else could go wrong. He had woken up minutes ago in a room that wasn't his own, without Zoisite, inside a fairytale book. And now the Queen he served had just accused him of treason, the worst crime in the Dark Kingdom, a crime which only knew one punishment: death.

Kunzite was aware from past experience with Queen Beryl that she would hardly be reasonable now, there was nothing that could convince her of his innocence, only… Only if he found the one who was the real delinquent. This would have been an easy task for him, but right now he did not have his magic, nor did he have a clue where he could start searching.

Yet he had to find the traitor, before Beryl found him. Breathing deeply, he puzzled together what he knew. Beryl and Jadeite are here. In the room behind him, Queen Beryl was done with cursing about Kunzite but was apparently trying to figure out whether she could get Jadeite out of the mirror or not (as a Queen, she surely did not plan on hunting the first General down by herself).

Kunzite decided it would be the best to leave the castle. He would have to hide himself for a short while, at least until he could tell if his loss of magic was only temporary, if they were the only people in this realm and if his lover was here, too. For Zoisite's own safety he hoped not. On the other hand, what would Zoi do all alone in the Dark Kingdom, just with Nephrite for company? Running down the corridor, he tried to ban the worst images from his mind and concentrate on the task he had: getting as fast and far away from Queen Beryl as humanly possible.

The castle was pretty huge and it had something colorful, or let's say pinkish. Zoisite would have adored it. As he got through the main gate, he checked everything for a vehicle. Something that was worthy for one of his rank. He could not see any. Suddenly a voice behind him said: "Aye, you searching for something?" Kunzite turned around and saw a man, probably a hunter, sitting on a grey, regal… donkey.

The last thought he had before he kicked the guy out of the saddle and rode on the back of the donkey into the woods was: 'What the hell have I gotten myself into?'

* * *

When Nephrite woke up, the first thing he felt was a huge headache. His head was a single pain and his stomach told him that he should have been drinking real lemonade last night. On the other hand, there also was the feeling of a smaller figure cuddling up to him. He smiled. Sometimes being drunk does bring some goods. Not always, he thought upon remembering last years' Christmas party, when he had woken up next to Queen Beryl herself. At this picture his stomach started to turn over and he needed all his willpower to not throw up. The term 'horny' did not only suit the Queen's shoulders. And this is not a nice thought at all.

He opened his eyes and saw blue. The sky above him was blue. He blinked at the realization. Had he teleported to earth in his intoxicated state? Trying to focus on his surroundings (his head hurt terribly) he found himself in a forest. And he did not need any explanations where exactly he was. The place around him looked just like a picture in the book Zoisite and him had tried to use to trap the Senshi. The spell had worked! Great Metallia, the spell worked. Great Metallia, I am in a fairytale book. Great Metallia, somebody's with me! Panic took over as he looked down and saw: Zoisite.

This was too much. He screamed, and the younger general woke up.

"What the hell are you doing?" Zoisite snapped. He jumped up- and looked at the trees. "What have you done?"

"I did not do anything! It is the spell! It worked!"

"…If it worked, wouldn't we be in the Dark Kingdom?"

Nephrite shook his head. "Technically, we ARE in the Dark Kingdom. We are in the book. Maybe we pronounced something wrong and instead of sending our enemies here, we sent ourselves."

"This is not good." Zoisite's voice was barely audible. "What is with the Queen? Is she here, too?"

Nephrite looked at his arch-nemesis. He had not yet thought about the possibility. What if they sent their Queen here, too? She surely would not react understanding to the situation. No, she would rather go crazy and do things to them he preferred not to imagine.

"This is all your fault. As soon as we find Beryl, I'll tell her that it was all your idea-"

"It was not my idea! I only chose the book!"

"This will not matter to the Queen. If I go down, I'll take you down with me!" hissed Zoisite. His emerald eyes glared daggers at Nephrite. The auburn haired king thought this through: in one point, the younger man was right: they were sitting in the same boat. Neither Zoisite nor him were powerful enough to manage the spell alone, and neither of them would survive the queen's wrath when she found out about this mess. He needed to know where the queen was right now, he had to make sure she would not draw any conclusions that would point towards himself and Zoisite.

He tried to summon his magic. Nothing happened.

"Well, lost your powers? Suits you right, moron."

"O Zoisite, as sweet and supporting as always."

The younger man gave a mock laugh and rose his hand to conjure up an ice crystal, Nephrite supposed.

Nothing happened.

Again.

"Seems like we're out of magic. Must be the spell." The older of the two stated. "Come on, let's move. We have to find Beryl. Maybe we can convince her of our innocence. We'll just blame somebody else for the chaos and maybe she has an idea how we could get out of here."

Nephrite was so glad that looks could not kill in this realm.

* * *

AN: OMG, it's been a long time. School's started again :(... But oh well. ´

Few words on the setting: The Castle is settled in the middle of the fairytale-realm. Kunzite is riding north, Nephrite and Zoisite woke up in the east. Yeah, I can't think of anything else to say right now... Please RATE AND REVIEW.

Good Night, folks. :)


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